Busting the top romantic myths

VANCOUVER (NEWS 1130) – Do opposites really attract? Is communication really the key to a happy relationship?

It’s time to apply a little science to your romance and debunk some common myths about couples. “Opposites definitely do not attract. Everyone thinks that, but it has been studied hundreds of times and never has the research ever supported the notion that opposites attract,” says Matthew Johnson, a psychology professor at Binghamton University and author of Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage.

Johnson explains when we are with a romantic partner, it is common to focus on the areas where we are different. “If I like country music and my wife likes rock n’ roll, I’m going to say it’s crazy that we found each other,” he tells NEWS 1130. “But if you pull back and look at some of the broad variables, generally speaking, people are attracted to and end up with people who are very similar to themselves.”

Johnson adds there’s even a term for it — the ‘phantom other.’ “If you ask someone to select from random online dating profiles and you manipulate one of them to be a description of the subject, that’s who people usually pick.”

Another myth is that the true key to a happy relationship is good communication. “Saying that a relationship is not doing well because the man is not communicating is kind of like saying the patient died because his heart stopped beating. It’s true, but it’s not really the thing that you need to fix.”

Johnson says many couples focus on communication while there are often bigger problems that need to be delved into. “I remember counselling a couple who said they weren’t communicating well. It was only later it came out that they weren’t communicating well because he hadn’t told he was having an affair,” he says. “Is that a communication problem? Sort of, but isn’t the affair the bigger problem?”

Johnson also says stereotypes surrounding men having a stronger libido than women are untrue, as is the assertion that having children brings couples closer together.

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